Scars

When we started planning our annual spring Ladies Banquet at church and we came up with the theme of “Restoration”, I had a few questions that kept plaguing me. I wondered if I personally had been restored, and I wondered if it had left scars.

We chose the verse- Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

We had a visual of a broken vase, repaired with gold, as with the Japanese art of kintsugi. Making something beautiful out of brokenness is what God does masterfully. I had fun collecting thrift store vases, and enjoyed a time with some lady helpers in the smash, glue, paint gold project. Another lady filled those vases expertly with floral arrangements and we had our centerpieces for the banquet tables. Lovely!

We also used butterflies here and there, which are also a symbol of newness of life.

Our speaker that evening shared about how we expect restoration from things like vacations, or things that make us feel good/better. But the true restoration we need only comes from Jesus the Lord.

My question of have I been restored, is yes, and over again and over again, yes.

Firstly, when I was saved, the very moment I thanked God for Jesus paying my sin debt by His death on the cross. That restoration was really the moment I was made alive spiritually, made a new creation, very much like the butterfly metamorphosis. Then, through out my life there have been small moments, maybe even some I am unaware of, of my being made right with God, as I leave sin behind and follow Him. But I can recall the huge moments, the times when I just plain lost it and chose to NOT obey Him, and how it seemed so clear that He was saying “Return to me.”

I see a pattern. There is sin (selfishness), this cause scars (ouch this is going to hurt!) then there is sorrow (conviction), then surrender (repentance), and being set free so that I can now go show those scars and let God use them.

This comes from David’s Psalm 51 and the story behind it. He sins with Bathsheba, and in surrender mode writes this song of restoration, that he knows God is going to use to turn sinners around.

The scars are character builders. Those spots on the vases where real damage was done and after the glue and gold, they may never hold water again, but they are a testimony of grace. Something deserving of the trash, restored to hold something lovely. Truly, as Paul says in Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I am very transparent, I share just what I have been through because the ladies that discipled me, did that with me. I heard about their sin, their shame, their struggles, and their victories in how God worked. I see it in scripture, real people with real sin and problems, yet even so, God loves them and uses them if they surrender.  We set ourselves up for judgement by the eye rollers and gossip mouths when we are real… and I know about that too. It happens. It hurts, but I don’t want to hide what God is doing and has done. I can say, “See these scars? This is what happened, and this is how it changed me.”

I was thinking about how tough men and teens love to do “scar wars” where they show each other their scars and try to one up each other. But we women do it too, as we share our pregnancy, birthing, and parenting stories, etc. What we find is commonality. Restoration stories, for believers, are unifying.

Singer  and songwriter Sara Groves wrote this wonderful song about that moment when we yield to the Lord’s turning it for good, the moment we are restored and how it feels.

Remember Surrender SARA Groves

Remember surrender

Remember the rest

Remember that weight lifting off of your chest

And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was

Remember surrender

Remember relief

Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks

As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing inI want to do that again

Why can't I live there

And make my home

In sweet surrender

I want to do so much more than remember

Remember surrender

Remember peace

Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep

In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun

Remember surrender

Remember that sound

Of all of those voices dying down

But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within

I want to do that again

Why can't I live there

And make my home

In sweet surrender

I want to do so much more than remember

Like she said, I want to do more than remember. The scars of restoration are monuments to the healing David pleaded for.

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

More than remember, I want the surrender and the scars to be part of who I am for Him.